May
31
May
31
“After selling a broken laptop on Ebay..the buyer was pleasantly surprised to find Amir didn’t wipe the hard drive. The purchaser then created a blog and posted several unflattering photos and details of Amirs life…”
read more | digg story
I’m sure there’s a moral reason to not be in support of either side here but this is damned funny. He visits - or should that be used to - a chicken shop on Kilburn High Road in London so you Fancy London types might see him around.
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Broken Laptop on eBay
May
30
May
29
With Saturday lost to a bit of shopping and not much else we decided to try and make a go of what remained of the weekend. Early Sunday morning we drove up the empty M1 to Scotch Corner and then on the the deadly A66 for a short while till we turned right to cut through to Barnard Castle and then up towards Hexham. We stopped for breakfast at the excellent Parkhead Station It sits at the 100 mile point on the C2C cycle route so the place was full of people getting ready to go or people taking their first stop of the day. The food was excellent and plentiful. It’s one of those ‘why the hell is this here’ places with an isolated feel and sheep lazily grazing their way across every available patch of green.
There was an interesting moment when a cyclist told the waitress that the telescope provided free of charge was in fact not a telescope but a spotting scope. She just took his order and told him she’d pass his comments on to the owner (who was stood in the kitchen doorway shaking his head) and this seemed to salve his need to be an arse.
On through some beautiful and deserted roads to our fist stop.
Housesteads
This is a fantastic part of the world with spectacular views of the Hadrian’s Wall. You can trace it back for miles and having walked the full length not long back it brings back some very good memories of heavy backpacks and sore feet. After an hour milling around we went on to try and sort out a B&B.
The Howard Arms
It being the Bank Holiday weekend the Tourist information at Haltwhistle was closed as was the one at Brampton. Without the assistance of the national tourist board we found somewhere to stay by wandering into a pub that had a sign outside claiming that Charles Dickens had stayed there and, more importantly, that they had en-suite rooms. recently re-furbished rooms at that. I often think that Charles Dickens must have spent his entire life freeloading at houses, pubs and hotels the entire length an breadth of the country as you don’t seem to be able to go far without seeing this claim made. Either some establishments aren’t telling the whole truth or Dickens was pissed and stumbling from one pub to the next his entire life.
I couldn’t find out who Gordon Smales was.
Lanercost Priory
Lanercost has little to do with Hadrian’s Wall other than being close to the last section that you can see before it turns into a glorified grass bank. However, it’s in a great deal of the wall leaflets and posters at forts along the way so we went for a nosy as we’d ignored it when we walked the wall due to a need for food and drink that outweighed a need for expanding our knowledge of priories. It’s had an interesting history that’s not really explained by the audio guide. The reason it’s there is glossed over a bit. The area is now and has always been a little out of the way place and why it’s got the very large remains of what was once a huge complex of buildings isn’t clear. Still the place itself is interesting if only because it continues to be used as a parish church.
We went back to Brampton for dinner to find the pub we’d had a fantastic meal at less than two years ago had downgraded its menu from the likes of roast rack of lamb with raspberry jus £14.95 to pie and chips £3.95 and a free half of larger The atmosphere, welcome and service was decidedly £3.95 in value as well. Though it has to be said listening to a woman in the corner fill every sentence with fuck, shit, arse, bollocks was entertaining. If there’s a lesson here it’s try not to be so British and don’t stay till you’ve finished your drinks just to be polite.
If you’re not British then you might not understand our reticence to leave a screaming shit hole. If you are British then you’ve likely been in a similar situation or you’re just very rude.* We ended up eating at the Howard Arms which was very nice though I was a bit miffed that the ‘Pineapple Surprise’ was sold out. There was no explanation of what it might be other than a confused looking waitress who told me “it’s a bit like stuffed peppers but with pineapple” When I asked her what it was stuffed with she shrugged her shoulders and said “I know the Steak and Ale pie is good, try that.” I did. She was right.
Birdoswald Roman Fort
On Monday we went to the fort at Birdoswald where they were having a display of Roman guff. I’ve been to one of these before on the south coast and it was fairly impressive with about 200 people dressed in costume pretending to be Roman warriors, cooks, doctors and builders. Here they’d tried the same thing only with about 30 people. The effect, no matter how hard they were trying, was not quite as impressive. Still the Owl they’d brought for the display had amazing orange eyes.
May
24
You’ll no doubt be aware that a balls up in the BBC News department meant that an unknown guy on his way to an interview was mistaken for another Guy entirely. If not you can read all about it here and see the video here. Well the dust has settled now and Mr Goma has has his 15 minutes of fame but Guy Kewney is a little miffed. Below are the edited highlights of his blog entry about the event the full thing is here
I’d been hired as an expert commentator about matters relating to Apple, iPods, computer copyright, and the Beatles.
Ok fair enough setting the scene
At my normal rates, work like this would cost you a few hundred quid. But this being the BBC, I’m doing it for nothing – as most of us do, these days, in order that they can pay Jonathan Ross several million a year…
Hmm Ok lost me a little bit there are you saying you have standard TV appearance fees for the other channels? Are you sure you’re not doing it for free because you’ll get more out of it than the BBC? And its viewers for that matter.
But let’s admit it: of all the things you can say about me, one word that really has to be deleted from the list is this one: “Black.” We’re talking biometrics, here. We’re talking about “twins separated at birth, only their mother could tell them apart”… NOT!
That’s it you’ve totally lost me now. Does it matter what colour the person who isn’t you on TV not able to talk about the things you’ve spent all weekend researching is? Are you upset that they didn’t know who you were or what you looked like Mr Kewney? Are you a bit miffed that should you have had to stand up and say ‘do you know who I am’ the response would have been ‘no mate not the foggiest idea’
At first, I’ll admit, I thought it was hilarious.
Good. It was.
But the unworthy thought does persist that perhaps, those producers don’t care much about the fact that my reputation was completely shredded by the way they put up an ignoramus and claimed he was me. And the further unworthy thought occurs: that, possibly, the production mind is simply focused on the fact that if they put up my (real) interview, someone might realise that one of those Guy Kewneys could not be the real one, and that (no! surely not?) the BBC had made a complete arse of itself.
Oh my you total twat! Your reputation isn’t shredded nobody cares who you are is all. Mr Goma isn’t an ignoramus he was nervous and thought it was part of the interview you pompous arse.
And the fact that a few hundred thousand people in the world are now under the impression that I’m an ignoramus who knows nothing about technology or Apple or iPods, and has a very poor command of English? – well, that’s not the Beeb’s problem, is it? After all, is a journalist going to sue the BBC and get blacklisted? Of course not!
The people of the world aren’t under any impression about you they don’t know who you are Mr Goma sorry Kewney. Not knowing anything about technology, Apple or iPods hardly makes a person an ignoramus now does it? A poor command of the English language? How’s your French? Is it as good as Mr Goma’s? And finally Mr Kewney you’ve clearly gone barking mad. The BBC did the best thing they could they admitted their mistake and went national with it they made fun of themselves they saw it for what it was, a mistake. Mr Goma got a spot on ITV at the Princes Trust Birthday party what were you doing you miserable old bitch?
May
24
Sex theme park to open in London
A £7m sex theme park, which has no rides, is to open in London’s West End later this year.
Visitors to Amora - The Academy of Sex and Relationships at the Trocadero in Piccadilly, will pass through seven zones including Pleasure and Orgasm.
The 10,500sq-ft exhibit is designed to “separate fact from myth and educate everyone into being better lovers”.
You have to be aged 18 and over to get in and tickets will cost £15 for the attraction which opens on 7 September.
Organisers expect to attract more than 600,000 visitors within the first year.
The more sex we have the more we want and the less sex we have the more we want
Academy director Dr Sarah BrewerThe theme park will include life-sized silicone-made models which visitors can touch to discover erogenous zones.
People will also be able to build their ideal partner from a series of body parts and there will be instructions on how best to kiss and how to talk more sexily.
The seven zones will start with attraction, love and relationships and include a sexual well-being zone which looks at the dangers of unsafe sex.
The academy’s director of exhibits Dr Sarah Brewer said: “The more sex we have the more we want and the less sex we have the more we want.
“This academy does push boundaries back and whatever your prowess when you come in we will give you all the information you need to become a fantastic lover.”
I do like the first line of this report. It’s so very British. Desperate to be serious but can’t help the ‘rides’ joke. I’m not sure I’d want to go to London to learn how to be a better lover or to touch models with ‘discoverable’ erogenous zones.
Anyone who is British or knows someone British though will know this place is doomed to failure. Us Brits get embarrassed when a TV chef makes sausages can you imagine what the reaction to the 2pm lecture on clitoral stimulation might be? Also, Amora sounds more like a nightclub venue than a sex education theme park.
May
24
This I like not because of its association with the book or Apple but because the authors put a line at the bottom that shows they’re aware of the difficulties of dabbling with the Apple/Da Vinci cults.
May
23
This year’s Big Brother began on Thursday and has an “inside out” theme, with sofas in the garden and grass indoors.
The house is smaller than in previous years, with greater use of mirrors and glass to give contestants as little privacy as possible.
Campaigners have accused Channel 4 of exploiting contestant Pete Bennett, who has Tourette Syndrome.
The programme’s producers have insisted the 24-year-old is confident and creative and was picked on personality alone.
I can imagine the editorial meeting about this…….
Scumbag producer 1: “Do you think we can get away with a contestant with Tourettes?”
Scumbag producer 2: “We can get a way with anything we are gods.”
Scumbag producer 1: “You’re right lets fuck him up for all to see and besides he applied to be on our show so it’s his fault really”
Scumbag producer 3: “Hey you two don’t worry about him think of the viewing figures”
Scumbag producer 2: “And just think when Davina does his exit interview she can ask him all about the condition and then we’ll look like we’re really interested in his story”
Scumbag producer 3: “Do you think Davina could cry on demand?”
Scumbag producer 1: “If not we can fake it”
I can’t stand Big Brother it makes my skin crawl. Not because of the antics of the contestants or the challenges or the house but because Channel Four took an original idea which started off as a really interesting television experiment and turned it in to a forced and fake - never off the screen - pile of turd. Did you watch the first or second series? How may times did the contestants look at the fence that separated them from the outside world and ask “I wonder what’s going on out there?” Now they just expect to be famous and why? Because Channel Four demands it. It’s on for a quarter of a year this time with more contestants than ever and more television coverage than ever. That’s 13 weeks of the Channel Four schedule now try telling me that they pick contestants on personality alone.
May
21
Nah, not really. I did see about ten seconds of the voting where some comedian or other tried to get more time than anyone else by reading out a telephone number but thats about it. Terry Wogan was withering with his criticism though and a gruff ‘oh for goodness sake’ sent him on his way*
The freelance career is off to a stuttering start with a bit of work here and there. What I find most difficult is pitching for work. As I know that the wrong approach to a magazine ends in one of two ways. 1, who’s this loon that thinks he can just suggest ideas and expect to write for us and 2. What a great idea do we know anyone who can write this for us?
How exactly do you introduce yourself as a viable producer of competent copy about all things Apple when you’re on the outside? When I worked for MacUser it was simple ‘Hey I’ve had this idea it’s something I’m interested in and it can fill that 6 page gap in issue 23′ Now it’s a bit different but I suppose that’s the difference between a successful freelance writer and someone who used to be a freelance writer.
What’s really scary is how quickly your day disappears. When I had a real job I found that some days the clock would stop at 4pm and it’d seem like the last two hours of the working day would take four or five. Now I sit at my desk at about nine thirty in the morning and the next thing I know it’s five thirty and I’ve still got stuff to do. Not all of it earning me money. You’d think there’d be loads of time to remember to do things and time to spend chatting on the phone but it doesn’t seem to work out that way.
So in conclusion, should anyone require a freelance journalist with three year experience of working for the premier Mac magazine in the UK then please do get in touch. (Insert ‘and I can put you in contact with them jokes here’)
* I understand that the rest of Europe doesn’t get to listen to Sir Terry but I like the idea that there are families all over the continent tuning in to listen to an Irish Englishman be tragically passive / aggressive about something that he either cares about deeply or couldn’t give a flying fuck about and you’ll never be able to work out which.
May
04
cultofmac.com
if you asked Apple’s legion armchair CEOs the one number one thing they’d do if they ran the company, the top priority is always the same: develop a series of adverts that spell out the Mac’s best features compared to PCs.Well, Apple’s real CEO has finally done just that. After a decade of wishy-washy lifestyle ads like the “Think Different†campaign, Steve Jobs is finally taking the competition head on with a new set of TV spots trumpeting the benefits of the Mac over the PC.
He’s right about the switch campaign but the Think Different campaign wasn’t about switchers or trying to attract new business. The Think Different campaign was a masterstroke of ‘you’re one of us’ advertising. At the time Apple was up the creak sans paddle, motor, rudder, bow, stern, starboard, port…. you get the picture. What the Think Different ad did was stem the flow of Apple users away from the company. It said, without actually saying it:
hey look you’re cool, so are we, give is a little time and we’ll repay your faith with some kick ass stuff that’ll let you make fun of your P.C. using friends. You know what? You’re special, you could be one of these people
It’s all in the narration
We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
You’re ‘these type of people’ and who wouldn’t want to be associated with the people in the video? Not for their various political or personal ideologies but because they are successful and inspirational. Also, plenty of Mac users will have been called crazy so it’s a way of saying look you’re crazy because you’re a genius. In one sentence Apple has said, look, idiot our machines are inferior, more expensive and the company is going bust but hey you’re a genius for sticking by us. That in itself is genius.
Apple have removed the link to the Think Different text from it site but here it is with a link to the video at the bottom.
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing that you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine. They heal.
They explore. They create. They inspire.They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.Because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can
change the world, are the ones who do.