All Points North

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The Christopher Brennan approach to child + funfair management.*

Step 01

Spend as much money on candy floss and sweets as possible. Then hand out tokens for at least four rides.

Step 02

Sit back and watch.

Step 03

Mission accomplished.

*Only attempt this if you can give the children back to their mother and retire to a safe distance i.e. your own home several miles from theirs.

I’ve only just found Aduim.

I predict that upon reading that statement Chris Phin will scratch his temples and in a impassioned tone say something along the lines of ‘How does that northern monkey pass himself off as a tech journalist without knowing about this kind of stuff’

Adium is like iChat but better as I can now consolidate my iChat people with my Microsoft Messenger contacts. The fact that I only have one person in my Microsoft Messenger address book is immaterial it remains that I now only have one application open. Super. It also makes some fantastic supermarket sweep like noises when someone logs on or off the system.

In other news my email woes appear to have gone away and everything is back to normal on that front. I’ve upgraded to the latest version of Wordpress so if things go a little screwy here it’ll be that.

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Adium

If you’ve tried emailing me on Chris@allpointsnorth.co.uk it may well not reach me please try chris.brennan@mac.com for the time being.

Or you could leave a comment here. I moderate all the comments so it can’t be seen by anyone else. Thinking Batman as they say.

The storm in a thimble that is the I hate Macs column by Charlie Brooker is truly awful. The column itself is a fairly standard affair, entertaining and funny but clearly not all that serious. If Charlie Brooker really does hate Macs all that much I’d be surprised. It’s not the column that’s awful but the comments it’s attracted. They currently run to about 90,000 words in total. The volume is bad enough but the vitriol is just plain wrong. Some of the comments are simple untruths, others are white lies and some are just mental. It’s the passion behind them that scared me. I’ve always used Macs and I’ve worked in an office filled with Macs writing about Macs and never ever felt such passion for them, and I’ve been to two Steve Jobs keynotes. Some of the pro-Mac people have clearly take it all far too seriously, the same goes for the pro-PC people.

Take this from dcmtr

Very well said. The thing about Mac users is that they are usually the kind of people who scorn shiny consumerist things like flashy mobile phones and plasma screen TVs - but Macs, which are just as wanky, are socially acceptable.

What? Scorn shiny consumerist things? Erm… have you thought about that dcmtr? Clearly not.

Or perhaps this from TimFootman

And the reason there are far more games available for PCs than for Macs is because Mac users have better things to do with their time that fannying around getting some unfeasibly-breasted posh totty to another level, while making her flash her arse at the same time, then stropping when their Mum comes in to ask if they want an eggy and some soldiers.

No Tim it’s because there aren’t as many games for Macs.

It gets worse Theatrenotes writes

I love my Mac. It looks so much nicer on my desk than the sludge grey monster that used to squat there. My Mac just turns on and then I can work. I have written three and a half novels on my mac, and countless articles, poems and plays.

You’d have been able to do exactly the same in Windows. Honest.

Colin211159 sees himself as a comedian

Whenever I have an argument (frequently) with my PC-using colleagues, I simply ask how you switch off a PC. Answer - use the ‘Start’ button…..how intuitive is that?!

A, you have frequent arguments with your PC-using colleagues? They must love you.
B, Start button. OMG Oh no you didn’t that’s so funny.

The next comment is pure Mac using genius

Alcib

Apple has many buttons on its supermouse. The one button mouse is a myth invented by Apple detractors. It never existed, and when it did exist, it was better for you.

I’m going to ignore the fact you got the name of the mouse wrong and move on to the one button mouse myth. Eh? It never existed? I can assure you it did. But wait… when it did exist it was better for you. I’m not sure I can go on.

But I will….

The optimistically named Truth posted

Oh please. I’ve never read such a load of rubbish in my life. I was always a PC user until i studied sound engineeing at college where they used Macs. I was turned within a week.

Turned to what? The dark side? Homosexuality? Sorry couldn’t help myself.

I am IT Support Consultant and a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer, and OSX is a far better operating system than Windows will ever be (and they are trying, believe me). It’s more intuitive, has better software, looks better, is far easier to use and never crashes. What more do you want from a OS?

It never crashes? Are you sure about that?

BallSacDuctTape

Er.. Aren’t Macs now going to be powered by PC’s (Intel Inside!! yeah Baby!)

No. Next.

Kepler

Here’s one and a half words that should settle this argument: i-Tunes.

What? That make no sense.

MrMonk is clearly a moron. Couldn’t turn it on? Did he try the big button that looks like, and indeed, is a power button? It took you A COUPLE OF DAYS to eject the CD-ROM? Was the eject key a step too far for you?

Once I’d worked out how to switch a mac on it still took ages to boot up. It took a couple of days to work out how to get my CD-ROM out. It was harder to switch between open windows than with Windows - all that fiddly dragging around and no minimising down to a tidy taskbar. It kept having memory issues when there were more than a few programs running. There’s less software. And it crashed/froze a few times too. Disappointing.

HolyBaloney

“The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye”.

Genius.

At last, someone’s said it better than I ever could: Macs are for people who don’t understand computers and who are shallow enough to fall for the marketing ploy of Apple.

Joy.

I hate to break it to ya Holy but I’m shallow for many more reasons than my personal computer of choice.

Finite

Bang on Mr Brooker, I bloody hate Macs.. what really sums them up for me is the lack of an eject button next to the CD drive, I mean you’d think this would be blindingly obvious, wouldn’t you?

No, an eject button would ruin the design you dullard.

Donche

… Notice also Mac’s skill in graphics. The cpu, Motorola, works better on graphics than the Intel chip used in IBM, Microsoft and the clones.

What? Motorola? Did you post this three years ago?

coops2001

Macs aren’t expensive? The new iPhone costs $499. And with a short battery life?

Erm.. it’s not a Mac. But it is expensive.

martinusher

The Mac will always be a minority taste while Apple insists that it has to be the sole supplier of both hardware and software.

Licence the OS you mean? YES that will work. Why haven’t they tried it before…oh hang on…

ChicagoDB

I have 5 Macs at home and away at college.
I remember one of them crashing but can’t remember if it was in 2004 or 2005.

Do you actually use these Macs? Thought not.

Tayles

I have to deal with film and media types on a daily basis - girls with names like Finola and Sarada (anything ending in ‘a’ in fact) - and to a (wo)man they use Macs. What pisses me off is that they assume the rest of the universe also uses Macs and are baffled when their attachments are unrecognised by my PC.

Personally Tales I’d see that as a failing of your computer but hey I’m sure it’s the Macs fault.

clearhop has the best idea

Please shut up everyone.

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iPhone, Apple, MacUser, Mac World, Steve Jobs, Keynote, Guardian, Charlie Brooker, Comment is free

Or….

Thoughts on Music

Steve Jobs
February 6, 2007

With the stunning global success of Apple’s iPod music player and iTunes online music store, some have called for Apple to “open” the digital rights management (DRM) system that Apple uses to protect its music against theft, so that music purchased from iTunes can be played on digital devices purchased from other companies, and protected music purchased from other online music stores can play on iPods. Let’s examine the current situation and how we got here, then look at three possible alternatives for the future.

….

Wow an open letter from Steve Jobs that doesn’t happen all the time. HIs Steveness did do it once before as I remember. Though no one else I’ve ever asked can remember it. When Jobs returned as iCEO, after ousting Gil Amelio, he sent an open email to everyone on the Guy Kawa what’s his face Evangelist thanking them for being a Mac user and promising new stuff ahead. Still, it’s a great bit of PR on Apple’s part.

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Apple, Steve Jobs, Thoughts on music

Today marks a special occasion as the house we bought back in October will finally be free of builders, plumbers, labourers and electricians, qualified ones that is. The finishing touches are all that remain it’s just that the finishing touches include new flooring everywhere and wallpaper for the entire house, oh and painting it. I’ve just about finished the kitchen so that’s not such a bad thing but every other room still requires a lot of work.

So here’s the subtle irony. Joanne has been offered a job in Wolverhampton. It’s a temporary secondment to ‘The Academy’ so there’s no need to worry about getting a midlands accent. But chances are in a months time I’ll be a midlands resident. As I’m working from home this is not a problem (speaking of work if anybody needs a writer I’ll be happy to try and find you a decent one).

I’ve never been to Wolverhampton so I have no idea what it’s like. It doesn’t sound all that great and it’s a bit too near to Birmingham for my liking but then again what’s a boy to do?

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Working from home, House, Wolverhampton, Birmingham, Moving, Builders, Halifax

It can’t be long now till the Beatles are on iTunes.

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Apple, iTunes, The Beatles