If you spot a typo in something you’ve read feel free to smile to yourself at the inaccuracy, perhaps you might even write to the editor pointing it out. But for the love of God please don’t send a four page letter condemning the entire staff just because you spotted two it’s without apostrophes and a sub-head that read Windows 98 and 95 instead of Windows 95 and 98. Please try to bear in mind that a 96 page publication with no advertising that’s out every two months has quite a few words in it. The fact you spotted three errors DOES NOT make you a candidate for a non-existant sub-editors job nor does it mean that none of us is capable of editing a publication.

I’m sure that when you went to school standards were much higher and you were taught properly unlike everyone that works for me (and me), especially as we missed those ‘its’ and screwed up the style for Windows iterations. Try to keep in mind, however, that not everyone who works for the publication is the same age and some of them might even have gone to school at the same time as you. In the Kevin Kegaan sense I’d love it if we could print an issue with no errors or misprints but sadly, like Newcastle Utd. that year I think we fall short - not by much and certainly not through lack of effort.

Read the 11th April issue of MacUser, specifically page 23. In the bottom corner is a question: What frustrates you? The answer?

People that assume that my work takes no time at all and is somehow easy.

It takes time, it’s not easy, like every job if you’re not the one doing it you might not be able to judge just how difficult it is.

P.S. Your letter had three mistakes too, sadly the customer services manager won’t allow me to write back and let you know that. And no I’m not going to sack the proof reader he’s shit hot and there’d be more for you to complain about were he not doing such a fantastic job. Dullard.

* Mistakes on this blog don’t count because I didn’t get a proper education and there’s no staff to spot my crappy grammar.

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Every now and again there’s a theme in the blogs that I read. It rears its head above the parapet and seemingly every journalist has a good old pot shot at it. It’s the rather wonderful world of PR. For some reason journalists seem to get their knickers in a twist more readily at PR people than anything else.

Here Here And about ten threads an hour in here

For the journalist it’s a win win situation. They can bitch, whine and moan about PRs, bemoan their bad practice and highlight failings that have caused the journalist pain and misery. Sadly, for the poor PR person at least, they can hardly have a go back. I’m against PR bashing. I’d go so far as to say I hate it. there’s just something so grimy and slimy about the whole thing. There’s been a series of interviews with journalists on the Getting Ink recently and there’s one question in the pile that really gets on my wick.

When did a PR person last annoy you?

The responses:

Today. ie Everyday

When they commissioned me to ghost write an article and I was paid late. Being paid late is the bane of any freelance’s life and I hate it.

Yesterday when, after promising me a senior interview for two weeks, they didn’t deliver and confirmed it wouldn’t be possible. I mean, if something’s impossible it’s impossible, but don’t over-promise, just tell me it’s a possibility rather than a certainty before I go pitching it!

I got a round robin email yesterday that I think I was supposed to believe was crafted just for me and it heralded the results of a latest survey – sadly, I couldn’t understand a word of it.

To be fair The Getting Ink people run a doing better at PR and journalism company so highlighting bad practice by way of learning is going to be part of their content but it’s the tone of the answers I can’t get on board with. First we have the snippy ‘everyday’ comment, just plain balls If a PR person annoys you everyday of your working life then you’re either a grumpy curmudgeon or aren’t very good at getting your needs across. It’s hardly a very constructive answer either is it? Her response to the next question ‘When did you last annoy a PR person?’ was the same so maybe she was being flippant. Second I think that’s the accounts department that’s annoying there. Third a legitimate and constructive criticism, lovely. Finally, why would you let yourself be annoyed by this? Just ignore it your blood pressure will be much lower if you let shit press releases pass you by. Who loses out? Not you. I think the thing to remember here is that a crap badly worded and spelt press release to someone might be a nice long feature for someone else. If a journalist can think of a piece worth writing from the information within a release I’ll wager they won’t give two shoves of a donkeys arse that the title is oddly capitalised and that the PR doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re.
So, inspired by recent goings on here’s my open letter to PR people:

Dear people of the PR industry,

From this day forward I promise never to ever call you PRs and lump you altogether in one hive mind collective. I’ll respect you as individuals and treat you as such at all times and never refer to you as if you were some mindless entity. If one PR person from one agency is crap I won’t use that as a barometer for your whole proffession. I’m still going to call you bunnies though.

When you send me a release that has nothing to do with any of the publications I work for I’ll simply ignore it I’ll not waste time posting it to my website to complain about how someone has wasted my time by sending me this stupid press release. If you call me and I don’t have the time to speak to you I will, in an adult manner, tell you. I’ll be so grown up that I’ll say ’sorry I’m too busy right now can you call back another time’ I will not then spend twenty minutes writing a blog entry about how annoying being interrupted on press day is.

If you don’t send me something I really want I’ll work harder to get it. I realise you’ve got clients that want coverage so I’ll understand that sometimes you have to be sure you have someone who’s really interested in the kit, who will put it in their publication, before you send it. If you don’t send it I promise not to hold it against you personally and refuse to take anything else. After all it’s you and your clients loss not mine. When you do send me some kit when I send it back I’ll make sure that everything that was in box you sent me makes it back to you. I’ll not swipe the memory card from the camera or keep hold of the USB cable for myself. I’ll even remember to put the instructions back in the box. I’ll even make sure it’s clearly labelled and packaged so that it’s less likely to get ‘lost’ on the way back to you.

When you take me on lovely trips to foreign countries I promise to go to all the press conferences and sessions you have planned. I can’t promise I’ll be taking as much notice as you’d like. Or for that matter even be listening (it’s all in the handouts anyway isn’t it?) but I’ll be there. In addition when we arrive, depart, land and transfer I will always be where you expect me to be. I’ll not go wondering off leaving everyone else inconvenienced as you have to scour the airport terminal worrying about where I might have gone. I’ll even try harder to like the ridiculous games you try and make me play.

When you do your job I’ll not make a song and dance about how good it is and when you don’t quite meet my expectations I’ll simply redouble my efforts or, if needs be, give up and move on to someone else’s product. Also, I’ll say thank you more often, and mean it, when you help me out. I realise you’re not my personal PA there to sort out my problems for me. All I expect of you in return is, well, nothing.

Ta

Chris

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Just a hunch but I don’t think they really called the departure lounge access point that on purpose.

I wonder, would that be a good place to launch the iPhone for Europe? Should I apply for press accreditation and hop on the Eurostar on the off chance? Maybe…

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Y’see the thing is things keep going wrong with the blog and that’s why it’s probably a bit wonky right now. On top of that I’m busier than ever. Which is good and bad. Mostly good.

Today marks a special occasion as the house we bought back in October will finally be free of builders, plumbers, labourers and electricians, qualified ones that is. The finishing touches are all that remain it’s just that the finishing touches include new flooring everywhere and wallpaper for the entire house, oh and painting it. I’ve just about finished the kitchen so that’s not such a bad thing but every other room still requires a lot of work.

So here’s the subtle irony. Joanne has been offered a job in Wolverhampton. It’s a temporary secondment to ‘The Academy’ so there’s no need to worry about getting a midlands accent. But chances are in a months time I’ll be a midlands resident. As I’m working from home this is not a problem (speaking of work if anybody needs a writer I’ll be happy to try and find you a decent one).

I’ve never been to Wolverhampton so I have no idea what it’s like. It doesn’t sound all that great and it’s a bit too near to Birmingham for my liking but then again what’s a boy to do?

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Hi my name is Chris. It’s been 11 days since my last post.

The last few weeks have been hectic and odd in equal measure. I’ve been spending nearly all day every day at the house. My Dad and I installed the kitchen in two days and now all we’re waiting for is the appliances and to install the sink. Oh yeah and all the other multitude of tiny jobs that entail finishing it off. Then we can begin on any one of the remaining six rooms that need renovating.

Progress on the house looked like it might come to a complete halt when two months worth of work came in. Turned out though that it was two days worth of work. What they needed was a secretary not a writer. So that ended that. They didn’t have the good grace or professionalism to tell me to my face but hey that’s Harrogate for you. So back to square one and a bit on the work front.

Working alone is still a bit weird for me as it gets a bit lonely and boring. Getting an email takes on a whole new significance and can really make the day that little bit more enjoyable. Just the tiniest bit of human interaction (even if it is digital) makes all the difference.

So with a lot less money coming in than I thought I did what all normal people do and went shopping. I managed to get an original Mac with original carry case off eBay for the miniscule sum of £100. All I need now is the operating system though I fear that may be a little difficult to come by.

And don’t believe the FUD, the iPhone will sell like fake LSD outside a high school disco. i.e. the people buying it won’t care what’s in it, what it’s capable of, what effect it will have or that it’s overpriced it’s just the thing to have.

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It’s been a hectic few days with a trip to London, Christmas shopping and some house re-decoration thrown into the mix. Christmas lunch with MacUser was too short and then the trip back to Leeds too long. It’s really strange going back to Dennis HQ as so much has changed. People have moved on, floors have been re-arranged and the little things that change that you don’t really notice when you work there because they’re organic step by step changes jump out at you.

I miss working in an office the noise the people the personalities. It’s quite fun working for yourself in that you can get up whenever you want and work whatever hours you choose but there’s a stark loneliness that you can’t account for. The relationships you form when you work somewhere for a while can be strong. Lets face it you spend a massive chunk of your life with the people you work with. If you’re lucky you like them and in that respect I was very lucky. When you go back though, as an outsider, you’re no longer part of their lives. They’ve moved on while your memories and frames of reference stop at the day you left. You can’t blame them it’s inevitable. It’s a strange feeling though as they chart new goings on and events while you have only yourself and jokes about too much internet porn (yay for Fleshbot!) and free time to discuss.

At a large company things happen everyday that you can gossip about or discuss I could think of three things that had happened to me in the time I’d been away and one of those was hardly an entertaining topic of conversation. ‘Well we bought a house, work is a little thin on the ground and oh yeah my granddad died’.

I sat on the train feeling sorry for myself brooding all the way back to Leeds and contemplating how I missed it all and how I wish those relationships and the lifestyle that came with them were not affected by 200 miles of motorway. That I could somehow have a window on to that world and the people there, giving me a view of all that was happening. Alas, it was my decision to move and I’ll have to deal with that best I can.

When you do nothing all day work from home you get to see some a shit load of daytime television.

Today my attention was distracted to The Jeremy Kyle Show. A cheap and typically British rip off of Jerry Springer. Today a young girl had told ‘a bloke she knew’ that she was pregnant and he was the father. He wasn’t so sure but in his defence he was willing to accept it might be his.

The best part was the sister of said pregnant lady who ‘went to town’ on the young man for about twenty minutes* she told the audience what a lying skank he was.

The next best bit  was the DNA test. Turned out he wasn’t the father - he jumped up and down like he’d scored the winning goal in the world cup final. She ran off in tears but they asked the sister to return and Jeremy Kyle told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was a liar who’d done a terrible things.

Then, pure magic. Jeremy said to the sister that she should apologise to the young man for spreading such malicious and untrue rumours about him. She said ‘what for I’ve done nothing wrong’

At that point my will broke and I switched off.

I need some more work. Please God find me something to do before I end up watching 8 Simple Rules all day.****

* I switched off and returned**
** Honestly***
*** No really
**** Too late



Turns out that I’ve got it all wrong. The girl wasn’t pregnant she’d already had the baby and he’d had the name of the child tattooed on to his forearm - tastefully in some far eastern script - EVEN THOUGH he didn’t think it was his child. The mother denies that there can be another father. The only good thing about all this is that it proves I wasn’t really watching the Jeremy Kyle show (all that closely).


FYI

The Group

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The Tattoo

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The Sister

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The Mother

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